happy birthday jaxon!

Jaime, this is for you to read to your sweet little man!


Dear Jax,

Today is your second birthday, and in honor of this special occasion I thought I'd write a blog just for you. Even though you've only been in our lives for two years, you've made a colossal impact on so many peoples lives. With your bright smile and loud laugh you have completely captured all of our hearts, and you have been instrumental in teaching many people about adoption, trust, and most importantly-- God's love.
I hope you know that is no small feat. I especially want you to know how important you are you me, and how much you've changed my life. I worked with your mom two years ago, when her and your dad were waiting patiently for God to bring you into all our lives. Your mom and dad had been preparing and praying for a long time before that, but they only found out about you a little while before you were born. During that time, I got the chance to know your parents better, your mom in particular, and she was the very first person to talk to me in depth about adoption. I never really understood how hard it was, and how long the process can take... it takes so much trust and patience and hope. It gave me a whole new respect and admiration for families who adopt and provide foster care.
That is when I started praying. To be honest, I hadn't prayed for much outside of my own life and heart before then, but I was so in love with your parent's dream and so touched by how hard they worked and how much they endured that just the thought of you lit a fire in my heart. You were loved, immeasurably, before you ever took your first breath. I prayed for you, your birth mother, and your mom and dad everyday. I remember shortly after you were born, and the e-mail your mom sent out. I was so excited to finally see a picture of you, and I kept praying, because I knew that your parents still had so much to go through in order to bring you home. Your mom and dad are some of the bravest people I've known. They'll never admit it, but they truly are. They were prepared to do anything they had to for you, and they did.
The very first time I got to hold you was when you were a little over a month old-- maybe two, in the bank where your mom and I worked. You were a teeny little thing back then-- I don't think I'd held a baby that new before you. I could feel your little heart beating through all of your warm blankets, and you completely broke my heart in all of the best ways. You were the first miracle I'd ever experienced, the first dream I'd ever witnessed, come true.
I've loved getting to know you, and watching you grow into such a sweet, smart little boy. You really are a miracle. You beat immense odds time after time and came out smiling. I still pray for you, and your mom and dad everyday. I carry you in my wallet, and for the rest of my life I'll carry the lessons that God taught me through you, in my heart.

Happy birthday, Jax. I love you.

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I wake every morning

to the sound of jack hammers, breaking glass, drills, and debris of every kind falling into a giant metal bin two stories down and about 15 feet away from our bedroom window.
they're renovating the building next door to us and slowly but surely turning it into a "condo".
We were warned about the construction before we moved in, but as with most situations we completely underestimated the length and severity of time and volume that it takes to actually undertake such an operation.

However, they did finally re-open our parking lot. After taking three weeks longer than they anticipated, we no longer have giant cracks or potholes in our driveway and parking lot which is wonderful because I'm not a fan of parallel parking on a pretty busy street.

Things are always changing. Our building, the highways, the people in our lives...
In one short month I went to the funeral of a high school friend, laughed so hard I cried, and cried until I laughed, celebrated our one year wedding anniversary, spent time with people that I haven't seen in nearly 5 years, spent hours with the best of friends, congratulated dear friends on their growing family, celebrated christmas, congratulated friends on getting engaged, and have been praying for the safety of a friend who was deployed and his family who I love.

2008 ended in a frenzy, and it's been a little hard to keep my head above water through everything. Honestly, it's been really hard. Especially since the two people that know me the best can't always be around...

But, the very best things come out of change, and the blessings just keep coming. There will be a lot to celebrate this year, and I'm so happy to be home and to be a part of everything.

Tomorrow is Sunday, and it is by far one of my favorite days... I hope we finally get to have our girls night, and that everyone is feeling better.

Here's to a New Year, and all the hope it promises.

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if you have a moment...

could you say a prayer with me?

There are a lot of things that have happened, are continuing to happen, and... have yet to happen that are just so much bigger than me. I can't really go into details about some of it, other parts I will share freely if you are interested, or if you would like something specific to pray for.

On a lighter note, Jordan and I have had so much to be thankful for recently:

-Jordan got a serving job at a very cool kind of upscale restaurant called PF Chang's.
I invite you all to go and check it out if you haven't already visited. It's an awesome restaurant with great food and best of all great people. Jordan really enjoys going to work, and I couldn't be happier for him because it's something that I've always hoped that he would find.

-I've had a chance to hang out with Emily.
My little sister is probably one of the most off the wall people you will meet, and despite being polar opposites (in everything from looks to personality) we've always shared a special bond. My family, at best, can be described as broken, dysfunctional, divided, and fragmented. But... I hope that with time, it doesn't always have to be that way. I hope Emily and I can prove that.

-I've been able to spend time with so many people since I've been home.
I've been able to bake cookies, get coffee, play cards with, get dinner and ice cream with, and laugh like I hadn't in months... with the very best friends that a girl could ask for. I love you all so much, and I hope you know. Especially now, especially at this time of year... and after all that has happened.



Jordan and I are so blessed... and tomorrow we get to celebrate our one year wedding anniversary. I don't think it will snow this time, and there are a lot of people that I'll miss hugging this year, but it will still be magical. This time of year always is...

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I hope that you are always...

by my side...




you mean the world to me.

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I'm Thankful...

Holidays in my parents house have never really meant much. I used to think that it was because my dad was always gone, and maybe that is where it began... but now that he's home (at least more often)... not much has changed.

We've never been the family that sat down together, prayed together, or laughed together and shared cherished memories of holidays past. Instead, we were the three, sometimes four people, who happened to be in the same house together on a day when my mom happened to cook something nice. Even then, we never sat together at the table, or gave thanks together. We never prayed together, and more often than not we were trying to think of anything but the many empty holidays from the years before.

My whole life I wished for something more. I wished that my mom would teach us how to cook something simple, something fun that we could help with. I wished with my whole heart that my dad could be there (even though, I learned at a very young age that the military doesn't take into account how many holidays, birthdays, or special moments you miss with your children) I wished for magical moments filled with laughter, board games, and hugs... But it just never happened.

And even though I'll never get a chance to share those holidays with my family... I've had SO MUCH to be thankful for.

In the absence of family, I have had the very best of friends. Since I was 18 I have been spending Thanksgiving (and nearly every other holiday)with my friends, (boyfriends), and their families, and have made some of my favorite memories with them. They brought the laughter, and the love, the boardgames, the ridiculous amounts of food, and made the memories that I had always longed for, and I got to be a part of it all.

I am completely and totally indebted to all of the people who brought the magic of the holiday season into my life. Thank you for stuffing me with food, for inviting me into your homes, for insisting that I stay longer, for forcing me to learn new games, for pushing me into your family pictures, for making me laugh until I cried... and most of all- for being the family that I couldn't have at home. You've made a difference in my life that can't be expressed in words.

This year was my first married Thanksgiving, and Jordan and I had a wonderful time. In spite of the awkwardness that always surrounds my family and my parents house, and in part thanks to my sister's larger-than-life personality, there was no shortage of laughter this year. Emily took it upon herself to invite three of her friends from college over for dinner, and the catch... they're all from France! Haha! Thankfully there wasn't too much of a language barrier, because they all speak very good English, and laughter is the same, no matter where you're from. Emily introduced all of them: Maxime, Charlie, and Greg. Since we are all pretty close in age there was plenty to talk about for the few hours that they were there. It was the first time we'd ever had what you could consider a "family holiday celebration"... and it took Jordan and I being married, and Emily inviting three French guys.

But, by far the best part about Thanksgiving this year was spending "black friday" with Krystan and Keegan. We spent the afternoon at the St. Louis Zoo, running all over in an attempt to show Keegan (a Chicago native) as much as we could. We were able to find two penguins holding hands, a couple brave squirrels, little ducks with blue bills, a baby giraffe, wallabies, and five little tiger cubs! We also got a pretty cool preview of the Christmas Light Spectacular that the Zoo puts on every year. When the zoo closed we headed over to Delmar, and to our surprise and delight, it too was all decked out for Christmas. After snagging some delicious Q'doba we headed back to O'town to play the most intense and hilarious game that Wii has to offer!!! Rayman's Raving Rabbids!!!! Krystan has a video on her page of us dancing and a few pictures, that are a total crack up! We danced and played and laughed all night long, and it was definitely one of the most memorable Thanksgiving's ever.

I'm thankful for you.

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falling...*

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one little.. two little.. three...

little days left.

and I've been tagged.  Haha!

so, with no further ado...

7 Random things that you may or may not already know about moi:

1.  I have freckles in my armpits, in between my toes and on the bottom of one foot.  I have no idea why I have freckles there, but they live there nonetheless.

2.  I still get nervous hugging people that I love.  Believe it or not I wasn't hugged very often from the time I was about 5 until I was 20... and even with people that I love, it's still very hard for me to do.  So when you see me, don't give it a second thought, please just walk up to me and hug me.  I want to hug you too, I'm just nervous.

3.  I love going for long walks/ hikes and I don't get to go very often.  If you ever want some company on a little outdoor adventure, even if it's just around a neighborhood, let me know.  I'll be there.

4.  I've always wanted to work at a flower shop.  Silly, but true.

5.  The only things I'll really miss about Kentucky are in Louisville, and their names are Rachel and Danny.

6.  I'd really love to go fishing.  I've never gone my whole life, and even if it's mind-numbingly boring, I really wish someone would take me.

7.  I got to dance with my dad last month.  And when I did, an indescribably large part of my heart was healed... a lifetime of hoping, became real.  

I hope I see you soon, and I hope I get to hug you.   

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