*

how do you remind someone of all the things they used to love?
how do you show them that those things really were worth everything?

...I don't really know what to do for you anymore...

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sweet coffee, sweet friends, sweet relief*

"Monday Monday..."

there's an old song that starts out that way, and the melody is running through my head right now...

This weekend was really good for my heart. Even though the work days were long, the company was good, and the time I spent after work was amazing. As soon as I got off work Saturday I hurried over to Cornerstone to meet Jill and Jordyn for a girls night. When I got there I saw cars in the parking lot, which didn't really surprise me, because there are always cars there... what DID surprise me, was that the car I parked in front of had two kids smoking inside of it! I'm used to kids smoking, and I used to people smoking, it was just really weird to me that there were kids sitting in a car smoking at 715 on a Saturday night in front of our church. But it didn't take long before everything started to make sense, I walked in to find super loud music with too much bass, kids who were tattoo-ed, pierced, wearing tight jeans with flat ironed hair and clothes that looked and smelled like they hadn't been washed... for about a week. It was a scene show! Haha! I found the girls sitting at a table together and we talked for a while before we decided where to go. We ended up at Cracker Barrel with a creepy waiter who couldn't decide who to flirt with, so he flirted with all of us-- very unsuccessfully. But the conversation was great, and it felt so good to be together again. Jordyn is really sweet and carefree and even though I haven't spent very much time with her, she's very dear to me. The two of them soothed my heart without even knowing it and I'm so grateful that I got to spend the whole night with them laughing and talking.

After dinner we spent some time in Target finding Jill some hip prego jeans. Jordyn picked out the winner, and we spent the rest of the time looking through all the new bags and jewelry they have for spring. We weren't done hanging out yet, so we decided to head over to Starbucks where we shared two huge coffees on a big comfy couch. I really hope that we get to spend more time together like that, because truthfully I didn't want it to end... I really am blessed with the very best people in my life. The more time I spend with them the more time I want to find for them to fit into my life. The stories and the experiences, the dreams and the talent, and God's love pouring out into all of our lives is so reassuring, and it gives me a renewed sense of hope and purpose... just over coffee.

Sunday night was very similar-- Filled with love and laughs and a lot of hugs. Even though things are hard financially right now, I know that coming home, and being a part of Cornerstone is where we belong. Since Jordan isn't working right now we have the opportunity to get more involved in groups, and this week we're going to start going to Ryan and Mary's for small group again, as often as we can, and we're both going to be starting Cornerstone University on Thursdays. I love everyone there so much... and if you were there on Sunday night, thank you for being there. Thank you for hugging me and Jordan-- for spending time with us, offering ideas, and help and prayers. You've turned around this bad situation and made us realize that good IS going to come out of it and you helped give Jordan a renewed sense of self... Thank you for that.

By the way, over the next two days, Jordan has two interviews. Both are good jobs, but one is geared towards helping people who are struggling financially, and Jordan is very excited about that interview. He really has a heart for helping people and I hope they see that in him during the interview. So please continue praying for him, and I'll let you know more as soon as I can.

I got to hold Jonah Sunday night too. A lot of people know that Jordan and I probably aren't going to have kids, and there are a lot of reasons for that decision... but what many people don't know is that before Sunday night, I'd only held 4 babies before in my life. Just 4... Jonah was the 5.
I've held my sister, a little girl named Grace, Jaxon, Leland, and Jonah... And it meant so much for me to be able to hold him. He was a perfect little warm ball of sweet smells and soft skin. Even though he was really tired and fighting sleep, he was still sweet and only fussed a few times. I loved all 10 minutes.

I've always been afraid to ask to hold babies, especially when they're as tiny as Jonah, or Jax the first time I got to hold him... I think I'm afraid I'm going to hurt them, or that they won't like me, or that their parents will say no. I don't know, either way I always avoid holding them and I just watch other people from a distance. I've held a couple of toddlers, but it's different. My joints are really weak so I can't hold anyone over 20 pounds for very long, so I usually just ask for hugs or high fives.

Hopefully when Annie, Elise and Jill have their new babies I'll be a little braver and ask to hold them too.

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bent*

It feels like forever since I written something of substance for my blog. I apologize, we still don't have Internet and my parents switched from cable to satellite (I might have spelled that wrong) so they're Internet has been down for the last week.

I can't promise that this will be that exciting, but fact-filled it WILL be.

I guess I'll start with last Friday. It was definitely Friday the 13 (I'm being completely sarcastic-- even though the day was long and awful, I'm not superstitious in the tiniest bit). I worked 13 hours that day and I wanted to run and hide from everyone that wanted anything to do with flowers or Valentines day... Yuck... Very nearly every person that came in (male and female) wanted a dozen red roses, and I wanted to shake them all and say "Could you please be a little more sincere and find a more heartfelt *personal* way to express your love, PLEASE?!?!" But, they left with they're ugly overpriced vases and bouquets in tow and I continued to answer the phone and attend to the 500 people that came in that day. That night I closed at the optical shop, which was much less stressful, and much needed for my aching feet.

BUT-- when I got home Friday night I was in for the sweetest surprise. Jordan had turned all the lights off in the apartment and had only the dining room lit up with two tiny candles. He made me a delicious dinner and bought me the prettiest, most wonderful smelling white rose and he had it in the vase he used the day he proposed to me, and he had cooked my favorite meal and rented a movie that he knew would make me laugh. He'd also put together a playlist of songs and he had them playing in the background when I came in and while we were eating. It was perfect and a little bit cheesy, and 100% Jordan and it made me forget for a little while about how crazy everything was that day and would continue to be throughout the week.

I ended up working a total of 63 hours that week, between both jobs... something I hope I don't have to do again for a while.

Sunday was my first day off in 23 days. Crazy.
Jordan's mom, Caleb (his youngest brother), Sinclair (his cousin), and Cindy all came out to spend the day with us on Sunday. It was a really long day-- we ended up going to the Arch and we could actually see the water tower that is across the street from our apartment (which was AMAZING), and afterwards we had lunch at the Spaghetti Factory on The Landing. Then we ventured over to Illinois to hang out and wind down at Barnes & Noble. I had my first cup of Starbucks in 4 months (oh, how I had missed it...) After our coffee we headed to church and had a great night. Ian preached a really powerful and confrontational sermon that reached every person on multiple levels, and dinner was (as it always is) eventful and extremely funny. Our food took a tumble the first time around, and wet bottomed Jax made his way around the ENTIRE table to hug everyone goodbye, haha! So funny!!

Tuesday was really relaxing and fun. I spent the morning dying my hair and I spent the afternoon and evening with one of my favorite people in the whole world-- Jonathan. We went EVERYWHERE. Seriously. I haven't been to that many stores in one day since the shopping extravaganza that happened when I was 18 with my friends Chavala. We had a blast. He needed new work clothes and we needed matching outfits (we're going to a mutual friend's wedding together in March and he wanted to make sure my dress matched his tie! haha!) We also had lunch and went antiquing (one of our favorite past times). Jon ended up buying a beautiful piece for his living room. It was a 100 year old little free standing cabinet with granite top. It has all of it's original hardware and the deal was too good to pass up. It looks awesome in his new living room and he had been wanting it for a few months. I ended up finding and incredible little gem. It's a book called "St. Louis, The Portrait of a River City". I'm not sure how many people know, but I collect old books, and this is an awesome new addition to my collection. Not only is it jam packed with great history, it's also a first edition print AND it was signed by the author!!! Apparently it was a personal gift to a friend, and it was only $5!!!! It was Published in 1966 and is still in great condition!

Unfortunately, after my lovely three day weekend (Sunday- Tuesday) the week started going down hill... Jordan got fired on Thursday.
That's a hard sentence to type... because now that I typing it and actually telling people, it's becoming real.
It wasn't his fault. He did absolutely everything he could for that restaurant, and he's a hard worker and a very dedicated person... but they've fired 7 people just since January, and for whatever reason... they chose to fire him too.
I feel awful for him, because the restaurant is poorly managed, and he put up with a lot of crap that he shouldn't have had to, he also picked up shifts whenever he could so he could to help support us. We had only just gotten to the point of recovering from moving, and starting to save up again...

So now it's just me, until Jordan can find another job.
We'd really appreciate prayers. I know everyone is aware of the current economic situation, and everyone is struggling because jobs are scarce... but I'd really appreciate if you could pray for Jordan, it's the first time he's ever lost a job and I know he feels a heavy burden on his heart as a man and as a husband right now.

He's already spent the last two days applying for jobs directly and looking into different staffing agencies. I'm really proud of him for working so hard, even though I know in his heart he's questioning so many things right now... I love him so much and I know that God is with us every step of the way... I know we'll make it through this.

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rain drops are falling on my head...*

but today is a good day!

the palm of my right hand is currently 3 times the size of the palm of my left hand...
last night I broke my only pair of glasses
and I've got blisters on both of my feet

BUT

God is amazing, and he put me right where I needed to be.
I have two jobs that I love, with managers that I will do anything and everything for, and on top of being on a very good career path, I've finally had the oppertunity to explore a lifelong dream (even if it's silly and small).
The optical shop has been one of the best job experiences I've ever had. Aside from the fact that it can be really slow sometimes, the skills that I'm learning and improving on are gong to go with me for the rest of my life. Debby is the best. Seriously. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's been a great lifeline, and she is one of the most giving people I've met. I love her already and I hope by the end of this experience I can let her know how much I appreciate her and all of the heart that she pours into everything.
Mary and Melissa, my managers at the flower shop are also wonderful. Mary has breast cancer and is currently undergoing radiation treatment and STILL comes to work everyday. Melissa is only a little older than me and she has two kids, one of which has autism and has special needs that require very dedicated, involved parents. I respect them both so much for the things they deal with everyday, on top of running a flower shop.

It's a very humbling thing, to know that at 22 I have everything I always quietly wished for and never thought I'd have. I have an incredibley sweet, supportive husband (who bought me the prettiest gifts for valentines- I'll blog about that in a couple a days) a growing relationship with God, a good relationship with my dad, a blossoming relationship with my little sister, friends that God brought into my life at the very best and most important times, and I finally work at a flower shop...

Is it weird that those things are all I've ever wanted? Is it too simple?

I hope not.

I know that this is only the beginning and that things will shift and change and grow as time goes on, but I'm enjoying celebrating a simple life with the people I love and the people I spend my days with.

It's easier to smile when you wake up knowing that when you get to work coffee, flowers, and smiles are waiting for you.

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strawberry wine*

"funny how those memories they last--
like strawberry wine..."

1998- 2009*

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snowday*

Greetings from the frozen tundra!
Haha! Ok... I realize it's not that bad, but it IS pretty darn cold!
Cold enough for both Jordan and I to have the day off due to store/school closings.
And for us both to have acquired a strange case of the sniffles since we've been inside Bread Co.

I made some delicious Cinna-bon muffins for a late desert last night and they made for an equally delicious breakfast this morning. After tending to my very hungry and very cold kitten ( our apartment has hard wood floors and no matter what we do it drops to about 55 degrees every night) I bundled up and watched the news with my cup of juice and muffins. Jordan woke up this morning to my insanely funny boss calling:
"Only essential personnel are required to come on base today, and we are definately NOT essential!! So tell Danielle not to worry about coming in today."

Haha! I love Debby. She's in her 60's and she's my size, but she was born and raised in East St. Louis and she is tough as nails! She's also unbelievably funny. She isn't bad mouthed or anything, but she IS terribly blunt and sarcastic. She's already adopted me, invited Jordan and I out for her family's annual bbq, and EXPECTS our attendance, marked my birthday AND Jordan's on her personal calendar, measured me to knit me a scarf, and leaves just enough coffee and creamer in the fridge everyday for me to have a cup when I get to work. I've also made a habit of getting to work a half an hour early just to hang out with her and talk to her because I enjoy her company so much.

"That being said"... (as Debby always says) work has been going well. I had one bad day, last Saturday where I got so overwhelmed that I had a panic attack and cried in front of everyone in the store. But, Debby came to the rescue and helped me figure everything out. She told me later that working there is basically "baptism by fire" and that every person that has ever worked there (including her) has broken down crying at least once, which made me feel a million times better. Since then things have rolled along pretty nicely. The store is slow, which has been good for learning, and for catching up on some good reading, and getting to know all the people that work around me. I've actually gotten fairly good at all of the different repairs that we have to do, and the difficult stuff isn't too intimidating anymore.

Debby has also been extremely kind and she found a place for me to help out over Valentine's Day and make some extra money whenever I'm needed. So, starting next week I'll be helping out our friend Mary. She's the manager of the flower shop across the plaza from us, and she has breast cancer. She's starting her radiation therapy this week and I was so excited to be able to help her. One of my greatest passions in my teen and adult life has been supporting breast cancer awareness and prevention, helping to support clinics and survivors, as well as honor everyone who has been touched by this form of cancer. For the last nine years I've run and volunteered for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation here in St. Louis, and over the last week Mary and I have been able to share tons of stories from the different events that we've attended through the years. Mary is a really great, soft spoken lady and if you could spare a prayer, she'll be needing a lot of strength, hope, and inner peace to get through this week and the next few weeks. I'm really excited to get to know her and help out in the flower shop. It's been a far away dream of mine to work in and maybe one day own my own flower shop, and these next few weeks will give me the chance to figure out if it is something that I really want to pursue.

Even though the weather outside is crummy, I'm really happy to have the day off with Jordan. We don't have days off together very often, especially unplanned. AND Jordan got me the best present ever for a day like today: super cute rain boots!!! I didn't own anything but canvas shoes and ballet flats... and that is NOT conducive to having warm or dry feet in this icky weather. And, due to the fact that we still don't have any kind of health insurance... shoes with tread are going to be a good thing... everyone that knows me knows how accident prone I am. Haha!


I love them! and they will also go to good use in other seasons when it's raining and I don't want to ruin my good shoes! Woo!! (I'm really excited about this-- in case you can't tell. I haven't owned rain boots since I lived in England, and it's bringing back very fond memories)

Today made me realize something else that I hadn't really thought about for a while. While we don't own a couch, cable or internet, or a full set of matching "anythings", we are very blessed to have two working cars. While we were driving to Bread Co. today there were A LOT of people standing outside in the sleet, in snow up to their ankles, walking or waiting for a bus... and I wanted to buy hot coffee for all of them and give them a ride. It really stinks to have to endure weather like that day in and day out, and I'm thankful that we have the things we do. That we are both able to get to and from work everyday really is a blessing, and I feel awful that I take it for granted sometimes.

So, here we sit. Bread Company music blaring in our ears, with a dozen strangers all bundled up having a warm meal. It's one of the things that I love the most about living in this city. We have such a diverse population here and it's fun to experience. Whether it's the table next to you or the Ethiopian restaurant down the street, there is always something new to see, someone new to smile at and something new to learn.

Even if we never touch, or have a real conversation, even if I never see them again they were a part of my life today, and I got to smile at them. That's enough to warm up any cold winter night*

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rocking chair, optometry, india, and me...

What a whirlwind...

I have an unbelievably grumpy and pushy fourteen year old cat fighting me for space on this tiny computer chair. She's very lucky that I love her, and that her body and my butt are just small enough to both fit.

I suppose I should explain the title of my blog, beginning with "rocking chair". This Christmas was unique in a lot of ways- some were tiny, but others, I think I'll remember the rest of my life. This year my dad built me a rocking chair.
That probably sounds silly... but it means more than you could possibly know, and it's beautiful. My dad and I share a very special bond. My whole life I've loved him, respected him and admired him long before I ever knew the weight that those words carry. He is my hero, he's the smartest man I've ever known, he has spent his life protecting other people, he is the reason I stare out windows, the reason I love birds. I have his hands, his nose, his eyebrows, and his sweet soul... And for Christmas, all he wanted was for me to be home.

My dad has been gone for the great majority of my life. Because of that there are a lot of memories that we never got to make, a lot things that we never got to do... millions of hugs that I would give anything for...
But this Christmas I was given one of my dad's sweetest secrets.
For almost 7 years, when my dad would come home late at night, after a long day, or a long trip he would come into my room while I was sleeping and pick me up in all of my blankets and he would hold me and rock me... I never knew... Sometimes it was only for a few minutes, other times he would sit up all night just rocking me and listening to me breathe.
For seven years.
It was something he never told my mom... something he never did with my sister... something just for me and him. Just like my "Binky" and Yogie the Bear... just like ice skating, and the night I finally got to dance with him...
So he built me a rocking chair for Christmas, and he gave me a little piece of his secret heart.
It's a beautiful chair, and one of the most precious things I've ever been given.


The second part of the title is "optometry".
This week I started my new job. After two months of searching, and a million job applications, I finally found one that fits. I'm a lab technician at an optometry clinic and it's wonderful. It's very challenging, but I've found that it is extremely rewarding. I work for a great lady who has taken a very quick and keen interest into making this experience more than just another job for me. Over the next year or so she's going to be training and tutoring me to become a liscenced optometrist. We'll see how it goes! Today was slow, but it ws my first day on my own, so that was a great thing. I got to meet a lot of people and I learned how to do three new things today. I replaced a sweet old man's nose pads, styled a very sweet blonde haired lady and did repairs for four other people. The most challenging repair today was re-wiring and fitting a pair of half frame sunglasses. It took me a little while, but the lady was very patient and I was very proud of myself when I was finished.
So, if you have access to the Air Force base and ever have problems with your eyewear, or you just want to visit, I work in the little mall in the front of the BX and I'd love to see you!

Which brings me to "India."
Tariq is the gentleman whose kiosk is right next to my shop. He's from India, and he sells the most beautiful handmade novelty items! I met him a few days ago, but today was the first time I really got to talk to him and he's funny and very smart. He's a travelling salesman of sorts. His entire family lives in India and his parents, along with his sisters and other families in their neighborhood, hand make everything that he sells. I asked him why he picked the job and he told me "I didn't pick it. My family has always had this business, and it's very important to me that our business does well. Not for me, but for all of the people who depend on me. You see, India is one of the most beautiful places in the world, but many people have nothing. I do this so my family and the people we care about always have something."
I was stunned. How many people are that selfless with their lives? He's 37 and he travels every six months to another Air Force Base to promote his family's business. He was a doctor in India. He went through 8 years of college at a private university... and he walked away from it to take care of other people. We talked for a couple of hours tonight about so much, the United States, India, traditions, movies, his family, and all of our travels. After meeting him, and listening to his some of stories I've decided that one day I'd really love to go to India.

I mean, seriously, how many people do you know who grew up riding elephants?

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