If you found me where the earth turns gold...

would you know that my heart was whole...
would you know that this is home?


Every time I leave is harder than the last.

Read more...

my winnebago

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. -Mark Twain

My cat speaks sign language with her tail. -Robert A. Stern

Cats are love on four tiny legs. -Richard Torregrossa

People that don't like cats haven't met the right one yet. -Deborah A. Edwards

What greater gift than the love of a cat? -Charles Dickens

Our character is made up of what God and our cats know of us. -Inspired by Thomas Paine

I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat. -Edgar Allan Poe

The smallest feline is a masterpiece. - Leonardo DaVinci


Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. -Jim Davis

Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind. They slip, diminished, neat, through loopholes less than themselves. -A.S.J. Tessimond

Read more...

for you I'd wait... til kingdom come...

I spent the weekend pouring over old pictures and emails.
It warmed my heart in a way that I have missed recently.

I came across an email that my aunt sent me right after we got engaged.
She's my godmother, and one of the most incredible people I've ever met.
She has been an unwavering symbol of kindness and love throughout my life.

And this is how our conversation went...

"How did you fall in love? What do you love about him?"

And so, I told her...

"There's a song by The Weepies, called "Somebody Loved"

::Rain turns the sand into mud
Wind turns the trees into bone
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

Nights when the heat had gone out
We danced together alone
Cold turned our breath into clouds
We never said what we were dreaming of
But you turned me into somebody loved::


And that was us.
As the autumn came and the wind grew colder our hearts found each other.
I've never been more honest with anyone than I was with him all those nights.
He's the one person that I don't want to shut out.
He is sweet in a way that I have never known.
He makes me laugh like no one else ever has.
I already know him by heart. Every freckle, every line in his face, his slow and steady heart.

He loves me with a depth and sincerity that I've never questioned.

He's kind, and quiet, and he has a serving heart.

He has a immense love for God, and for every person on this Earth.

And he's always there, always. So that I know I'm never alone.

He's the color in my life.
He's the blue part of my sky... the part I've always longed to hold."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And he still is.

I can't tell you how blessed I've been, because in moments like this... words simply lose their meaning.

This is one of the pictures I sent her, it was from the week earlier, when he proposed. We went ice skating, carved pumpkins, we fed ducks at our favorite pond and he took me to our favorite restaurant. We got coffee at starbucks, and he kissed me under the stars in front of our statue... the same way he did the night of our first kiss.

He still makes me laugh until my stomach hurts.
He tells me everyday that I'm beautiful, and that he loves me.
He protects me in a way that I thought I never needed,
But that now, I wouldn't want to live without.
And he has been immeasurably strong.

There have been people in our lives that have been more than awful, worse than cruel, and beyond unfair. But through all of it, he has protected me, defended our love, and has proven himself to be a good man; even when it was the hardest thing in the world to do.


He's the loved I prayed for, every night when I was young.
He's the love I never saw, but hoped for, everyday of my life.

His is the hand I was meant to hold...
and I get to. Everyday for the rest of our lives.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tonight, Jordan gave me my new wedding ring. It's absolutely perfect.

Read more...

juke box heart

Just remember I love you...
and it'll be alright
just remember I love you,
more than I can say...

-firefall

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

-billy joel



But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

-the beatles



Well, I know it's kind of late
I hope I didn't wake you
But what I got to say can't wait
I know you'd understand
'Cause every time I tried to tell you
The words just came out wrong
So I'll have to say I love you in a song

-jim croce



Come with me dance, my dear
Winter's so cold this year
You're so warm
My wintertime love to be

-the doors



Well the sun is surely sinking down
But the moon is slowly rising
So this old world must still be spinning round
And I still love you.

-james taylor

Read more...

love wins

I didn't delete my last post because I'm sorry,
I deleted it because I'm not him.

and because I know better.

Because in the end, love wins.

In two months I get to go home.
I get to be surrounded by people who actually love me
I get to have the life I love, with the man I love...

and this will all have been just a bad dream.





*we'll do it all
everything...

on our own.

Read more...

Stand UP

Progress on the list:

#3. Make a sincere effort to completely forgive two people in my life who have hurt me
I've been praying about this a lot. With Grace, everyday I have found more of a reason to let go of the things that I've held onto about these two people. I have also now gone out of my way on more than one occasion to be kind and warm to them instead of being cold and calloused.

#6. Go on at least 2 more caving tours (1/2)
We had the BEST time last weekend when Jordan and I went to Mammouth Cave (the longest cave system IN THE WORLD) and took a tour called "The Violet City Lantern Tour"! You would not believe how incredible it was! It was a three hour long, three mile long tour, and it is one of two tours the state park provides which has absolutely NO artificial lighting!!! There is just you, your little hand held lantern, and the cave... that's it! And it was just breathtaking.

#22. Call at least two friends a week, instead of just messaging/ facebook-ing
I have actually called three friends this week! I only got to talk to two of them, and it wasn't for very long, but I did it!

#52. Pay off Jordan's car, completely.
We are getting closer and closer to owning his car. After we move back we're hoping to take whatever extra money we have each month and pay more of it off each time we make a payment.

#59. Take vitamins daily
Jordan and I decided to do this together and now we both take a multi vitamin and a vitamin d supplement everyday. Cancer runs very heavily in both sides of our family and we are going to do everything we can to prevent it.

#63. Eat a good breakfast every morning
I eat at least two servings of whole grains every morning


#81. Make Jordan an amazing gift for our one year wedding anniversary
I'm working on a really cool gift for Jordan. If you'd like to know about it ask, but I can't post it on here just in case Jordan reads it.

#85. Run it the St. Patrick's Day Marathon in St. Louis
We both registered to run in it this morning! We're also going to begin training a little bit (it's only a 5K) so it shouldn't be too terrible.

#97. Donate money to a three good causes (1/3)
Last night we donated money to Stand Up To Cancer (and you can too: www.su2c.org)

Read more...

Ready or not...

Here goes my list:


What is this exactly?

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
How is this going to work?
I'll post everytime I do something (seems like others are creating a seperate blog but I really don't need something else to keep track of), explaining what it was, how it went, was it hard, was it easy, I should have done this earlier, should have waited, that kind of thing. I'm going to try really hard to keep on top of this. I am reserving the right, however, to change some of the things on my list, but it won't be because of its difficulty or anything, just some things may not be important to me 2 years from now. But I will update this if/when I come to changing something.-
when something is italicized that means i've started working on it!
when something is in a differenct color font that means i've finished!
and if it's just regular, that means i have yet to start it!


*it's incomplete right now, but I'll keep adding, and updating!

1. Move back to St. Louis by December 1, 2008
2. Take at least three trips to see my little sister at college
3. Make a sincere effort to completely forgive two people in my life who have hurt me
4. Play with my kitten everyday
5. Jump off of the cliff at Barren River Lake with Jordan
6. Go on at least two more cave tours. (1/2)
7. Take Jordan to a Cardinals baseball game
8. Do a much better job of keeping the laundry caught up.
9. Get a gym membership and use it regularly.
10. Be part of a small group again
11. Read scripture and journal about it, regularly.
12. Get a tattoo with Jordan
13. Get new glasses that don't fall off my face or hurt my head
14. Take Jordan to California to spend time with my family
15. Take "family" pictures (Jordan and I, maybe Winnie too!) and send them to loved ones
16. Make a budget and stick to it.
17. Work for a highly respected company/ hospital/ clinic/ or foundation
18. Volunteer for Habitat For Humanity
19. Go on a mission trip with Jordan
20. Take Jordan to Eckerts to pick seasonal fruits and veggies!
21. Host three girl's nights (0/3)
22. Call at least two friends a week, instead of just messaging/ facebook-ing
23. Take my mom and dad to church, even if I have to drag them
24. Buy bikes with Jordan
25. Rides bikes together as often as possible
26. Finish my Bachelor's Degree
27. Buy my very first Christmas tree (a real one)
28. Check out books from the library
29. Take Jordan to 5 trivia nights with Michelle and Jon (0/5)
30. Bring 3 people with me to participate in the Race for the Cure, Relay for Life, and Light the Night
31. Build enough credit that we don't need anyone to co-sign for anything else, ever
32. Start a savings CD (Jamie, help?)
33. Take all of my favorite girls to the MO Botanical Gardens for a garden concert (0/1)
34. Play in the snow with Jordan
35. Cook a nice dinner for Jordan, or friends at least once a month (0/36)
36. Don't burn myself or the house down while attempting #35 (Stop laughing, I can hear you)
37. Buy a complete set of matching dishes, glasses, and silver wear
38. Don't dye my hair for 6 months
39. Go on vacation with Jordan
40. Take Jordan to Pointfest
41. Take Jordan to Warped Tour
42. See Coldplay live
43. Take Jordan hiking in Perre Marquette
44. Stay at a Bed & Breakfast
45. Go to a Winery
46. Go Green and start using canvas bags when I shop
47. Go to the Fox again
48. See a show at the Muny for the first time
49. Go dancing with the girls
50. Go dancing with Jordan
51. Take Jordan to the Melting Pot
52. Pay off Jordan's car, completely.
53. Bribe Jillian into really teaching me how to knit
54. Successfully knitting anything, even if it's a washcloth.
55. Vote in the presidential election
56. Getting rid of/ donating all of the things that I don't need or use
57. Become a member/ supporter of the St. Jude Children's Foundation
58. Buy a couch
59. Take vitamins daily
60. Read one book a month
61. Go to Oregon for our second honeymoon
62. Go horseback riding
63. Eat a good breakfast every morning
64. Buy tennis rackets
65. Learn to play tennis with Jordan
66. Visit/ meet Jordan's grandparents, in Michigan City
67. Take Jordan to the Cahokia Mounds
68. Go to the Ozarks
69. Have at least one date night a month with Jordan
70. Make an album for our wedding pictures
71. Join a yoga or kick-boxing class
72. Have lunch with my mom once a month (when we move back) (0/36)
73. Learn how to "properly" wear make-up
74. Spend quality time with my dad at least once a month.
75. Complete the Tour de Belleville
76. Get my wedding ring replaced
77. Never, ever stick my hand inside of a shredder or any other dangerous machinery once my ring is replaced.
78. Have the patience to let Jordan teach me how to play chess
79. Actually play chess with Jordan
80. Go to a show with just girl friends
81. Make Jordan an amazing gift for our one year wedding anniversary
82. Learn to hem my own pants (Stop laughing...)
83. Take Jordan to Disneyland
84. Visit New Orleans
85. Run it the St. Patrick's Day Marathon in St. Louis
86. Take pictures with my entire family (All four of us. It hasn't happened since I was 15)
87. Complete the marriage strengthening book that Jordan I picked out together
88. Buy an i POD
89. Learn how to use the i pod
90. Fly kites in Forrest Park at least three times (0/3)
91. Take Jordan to the city museum
92. Take Emily to the Edge
93. Support the USO by donating time or money
94. Go eagle watching with my dad
95. Go sailing
96. Go fishing for the first time ever
97. Donate money to three good causes (1/3)
98. Ride the giant ferris wheel in Chicago
99. Get coffee with Krystan as often as I can
100. Visit the Old Chain of Rocks bridge once a year for Julie and Robin (0/3)
101.

Read more...