hands up!!! ALL THE WAY!!!

Last week was crazy!

I ended up doing so much that I forgot which day it was WAY more than once.

The highlight, however, was definitely Wednesday!!

Jordan was in Indiana visiting Seth, so Jonathan and I decided to go hiking, explore a cute little river town called Washington, MO, and end the day at our old stomping grounds... Six Flags.

He got to pick where we went hiking (I'm not an expert at knowing where there are good trails) and he decided on Shaw Nature Reserve. It's an awesome and HUGE branch of the Missouri Botanical Gardens. I loved the idea, but I wouldn't recommend it unless you're visiting in the early spring, or fall... summer is just too hot to enjoy yourself completely.

It was very pretty, and we got to see quite an array of woodland critters: we counted around 35 bunnies, a really big turtle, a crane, two snakes, a dead frog, AND 5098073847673648346 million ticks. Haha! Only kidding. There were A LOT of ticks. More than I'd ever seen in my life, and my limited experience with nature. I, personally conquered 25 of the nasty little vermin without a single one of them biting me.

But I think my luck in not receiving more bites/bugs was mostly due to the fact that I had a thick barrier of glistening sweat covering my entire body...

(Did I mention that it was 94 degrees and REALLY humid?)

It was nasty hot, and probably the most I've sweat in my entire life!

And although the view was awesome, and the trails were fun... I would have much preferred to take the adventure when the weather was cooler and there weren't so any bugs.

10 very hot and sticky miles later, we finished. Both exhausted, mildly dehydrated, and covered in sweat-- we decided to go to WalMart and buy some fresh clothes (and check one final time for any remaining hitch hikers) before heading to Washington, MO.

When we finally made it to Washington, we had a nice little walk along the river, and found a great restaurant called Cowen's. We both had delicious little diner* dinners and celebrated our victory over our long hike with a slice of pie.

After dinner we headed straight for Six Flags!!

We both have a soft spot for the park. Jonathan and I met and became friends while we were both working there in the summer of '04. Jonathan still works there, he calls it "his fun job", and once a year he takes me with him to say hi to all of the people we used to work with and have a fun, free day. By the time we got there is was 7pm, and we only had 3 hours to ride every roller coaster, say hi to people AND watch the new parade called Glow In The Park. And to quote Jonathan: "It's not Disneyland, but it's a good show," and he's right. So, if you're at Six Flags this summer, try and stay until 9pm and watch the show. Jonathan drives one of the floats almost every weekend, and the people at the park have put a lot of hard work into it.

I'm very happy to say that we were successful in our final adventure for the day. We rode EVERYTHING: Evil Kenevile (three times), The Boss, the Batman (twice), Mr. Freeze, The Screamin' Eagle, the new Tony Hawk ride, The River King Mine Train, AND he got me to ride Colossus. I hate ferris wheels... I've been stuck in the top of one when it broke, and ever since I have vowed not to ride rides like that... but I rode it... and he took a picture of me at the top, just for proof...

18 stories up, in a replica of the same ferris wheel that graced the great city of St. Louis for the 1904 World's Fair.

And just for good measure, after the parade, we ran all the way back to Evil Kinivel, and rode it two more times!! the last two runs of the night. "HANDS UP!! ALL THE WAY!!"

A wonderful way to end a wonderful summer day.

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Tucker

He's going to be OK.

It's been a terrible two weeks for my little buddy, but he should make a full recovery.

Emily and Tucker are both moved back into my parents house in O'Fallon-- and five screws, one plate and two re-broken bones later-- he's sore, but in a much better environment.

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congrats to alyssa and jay!!!

June 27, 2009

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stars

Today I got my very last birthday present for the year.  My little sister and I have always been very different.... VERY VERY different, but in our adult lives we've both been making an effort to spend time together and rebuild our relationship.  Recently we decided that we'd really like to get a tattoo together.  We both have quite a few and we were both looking forward to getting a new addition.

So today, we did just that.  Now we both have two stars on the back of our right shoulders (one for each of us).  Emily's are much bigger than mine (mine look like they could fit inside Emily's), and they're shaped slightly differently, and we both love them.

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babies

Happy Father's Day!!

and happy first day of summer (officially)!!

The year is moving along so quickly.  So many things just keep happening, and every once in a while in the middle of doing something, I'll look up and think "is the year really halfway over?!"

I'm so excited for all of the new families and additions that have been arriving in the last few months.  :)

Emilia and Jack are both almost 3 months old, and sweet little Emory is a little over a week old and doing great!  

It's a funny feeling-- to love someone so small... it's a little bittersweet for me. I never really thought I'd be close to so many people who have children, but now that I am, I'm so unbelievably thankful, because they're all such a blessing in my life. 

The best part is watching my friends, who are already amazing people to begin with, turn into such wonderful moms and dads.  From the day Jaxon came home, to visiting Elise and Emory in the hospital, to tonight-- watching Emilia laugh at Jason... I've loved watching my friends love their children.

Witnessing all of their love and getting to be a part of their lives has meant so much to me, it gives me  refreshing feeling of hope about things I've been haunted by... and it's helped me grow as a person, so much.

Thank you for letting me be there, and for letting me hold them.  Thank you for being in my life and for the hope that you've given me, the love that you shown me, without ever knowing.

 

  

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the old lady who cried "wolf"

I fail miserably at keeping this this updated...
I apologize.

I haven't had a chance to show you pictures of my wonderful birthday, my sister's adorable new puppy, named Tucker, our new couch, or any of the other awesome things we've done this month.... Promise I'll get to it very soon.

I'm at work right now on my friend's computer trying to wish the day away a little faster, look for any good job postings, and trying to find a way to be positive about the situation I'm currently in at work.

I'll give you the run down, and you can give me your input, and guidance (any and all of it will be appreciated, because I'm losing my optomism quickly)

I started this job in January, because my mom knew my manager, Debby needed some part time help. I'm a lab technician for an optical dispensing store. We're not like Clarkson Eyecare, or Pearle Vision, we're really only a retail store with a tiny lab that can do minimal repairs. I took the job knowing that she was hiring "for evenings and weekends". At the time it wasn't a big deal because I was desperate for a job and Debby seemed like a nice person who had fallen on bad times, as far as finding good help. In the beginning it was fine, she always picked up the phone when I called and needed help, she seemed genuinely interested in me and my life, she seemed pretty flexible with the schedule-- normally* allowing me time to be at church and small group and Cornerstone Univ-- normally. But as time went on she became INCREASINGLY more sarcastic, more foul mouthed, and ALL of her doctors appointments just so happened to fall on the only two days that I requested to have off (tuesday and thursday nights). I was also later informed that she hasn't been able to keep an employee for more than 3 months... they all quit.

While working for Debby (I'm her only employee), I also picked up other part time jobs within the BX's "mall" area: the flower shop for valentines day, and with one of the vendors who sells sports stuff/ wooden rose arrangements/ and handmade fused glass jewelry.

The flower shop was short lived (they took a month to pay me, and the manager turned out to be a pretty rotten person who talked about all of her employees poorly, so I decided to distance myself from that situation and concentrate on working for Debby and for the vendors (Jackie and Kim). This is where the problem lies: Debby hates Jackie and Kim. I've come to understand recently that Debby has a general disliking for every human being that walks, besides Mary, the flower shop manager... But the fact that I work for Jackie and Kim seriously bothers Debby. What bothers her even more is that she knows that Kim and Jackie have offered me, and would love for me to work for them full time... and for the last few months that I have been working for both places Debby's mysterious "illnesses" have progressed to the point where nearly every week she has me working on the Tuesdays and Thursdays (which are the only nights I've asked to have off) for 3 hour shifts. Just enough time to waste my gas, my night, and keep me from attending small group and Cornerstone Univ. She's also had me work every friday(8-10 hour shifts), saturday (10 hour shirfts) and sunday (8 hour shifts) EVERY weekend since I've worked for her. She's given me two saturdays and one sunday off in almost 6 months.

I've tried to have patience, and I've done my best to be understanding through all of this, because in the beginning I believed her when she told me that she was ill... I tried to subtley and politely remind her that I had very important things to do on Tuesday and Thursday nights, that I was available ALL DAY, EVERY OTHER DAY OF THE WEEK... Still the crappy shifts, snide remarks and mystery illnesses grew in number and frequency. She's told me that she has everything from MS (which she claims she has been "in remission from for 15 years" and is just now suddenly flaring up again), she's recovering from breast cancer and a double mastectomy, she has skin cancer, rhumetoid arthritis, osteoperosis and macular degeneration.

Convienient, huh?

Unlucky for her, I have a background in science, multiple friends who are nurses or are in medical school, and I personally know some wonderful people who actually HAVE these painful, chronic, dibilitating diseases... Brave people who never say a word, and work through the pain everyday, so they can lead some what normal, happy lives. And she's lying about it... I can't understand why, but she's a bitter old woman who will say anything for attention.... And I actually feel really sorry for her.

Her most recent stunt was self-induced, and the source of my current situation. She's a smoker, and she recently decided to start taking the Commit nicotine lozenges to help her stop smoking (at least that's what it looked like). She's been doing this for about a week and a half, broadcasting to everyone who will listen that she "doesn't smoke anymore" and she'd shake her little canister of lozenges at you.
Even though she claimed she stopped smoking we all noticed that she still walked outside and disappeared around the side of the building for 5 to 10 minutes every couple of hours... Come to find out, she was still smoking, as much, if not more than she had been before-- and on top of that she was eating the Commit lozenges like they were candy (something it says NOT to do-- in giant red letters on the side of the bottle), and drinking 5 huge cups of coffee, everyday without ever eating a proper meal... Can you tell where this is going?

So, Wednesday afternoon while I'm puppy- sitting Tucker, I get a paniced phone call that Debby is being taken by ambulance to Memorial Hospital. Apparently she'd been having heart pain and pain down her right arm.... and she was grabbing her chest and making a scene... And since I'm the only other employee they need me to come in and work the rest of her shift, or close the store. I told them that I wasn't available since I was watching a 7 week old puppy that couldn't be left alone. So they ended up closing the store, and asked me to be there the next day-- all day-- and everyday after that, until Debby could come back.

And I've worked a 10 hour day, every day since then... and I will continue to work all day everyday until she comes back... even though she's fine (she has a partially blocked artery, but so doesn't a LARGE percentage of American adults) she was monitored and discharged on Friday morning. She didn't have a heart attack, didn't have a stroke, she was having heart palpitations from an overdose of nicotine and too much caffeine. The only thing she WAS... was dehydrated.

But for one reason or another, dehydration and heart palpitations are severe enough for her to get an entire week off work, no questions asked...

And no one has said "thank you" to me. Not one.




So I'm here. And I'm left wondering how I should handle her return.

I want to call her out on everything she's lied about and quit (or at least put in my two weeks)... but that's childish, and unprofessional.

I want to work exclusively for Kim an Jackie, but I know that Debby will glare at me all day everyday, and talk about me, Jakie and Kim behind our backs and generally try to make life as miserable as possible for us all.

If I took the full time job with Jackie and Kim, I also run the risk of losing my privelage to work on base... depending on how it all pans out (and who Debby lies to about the situation)

I really want to do things the right way... but I'm more than tired of being taken advantage of...

I've had to miss out on too many things that matter to me this year... and even though I'm younger than her and I don't have kids, it doesn't make my life any less important than the things in her life. And it surely does not make me qualified to be her doormat.

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the many adventures of Fred the spider

Last week seemed like it might never end...
but now it's Sunday night, and I feel the weights finally slipping off.

I'm almost positive that I worked more than I slept... but the amount of laughing that I did more than makes up for it.

Monday and Tuesday there was work... 10 hours of work, both days. But Tuesday ended well, with a lovely walk down the River De Poo (that's the river Des Peres, for everyone who doesn't frequent the area). Jonathan and I found an amazing trail that lead down the river and through some great neighborhoods. We belted out the worst 90's songs ever (it happens alot, if you encounter it, please forgive me...) and walked for probably 5 or 6 miles, through back alleys, and a turn of the century cemetery. We read the most beautifully engraved markers, many of which were from the last cholera epidemic that swept St. Louis in the late 1800's. Got a quick drink from QT and continued on our way back to the car.
We scared ourselves plenty of times, which isn't hard when you're walking the city and a very old cemetery in the dark... But, just before we got to the car we found three teeny tiny bunnies, no bigger than the palm of my hand. They were too small to know to run away from us, so they kind of just sat there while we took pictures of them and talked, poor little things. I REALLY REALLY wanted to hold one, but I know better. If their mother is still around she'd turn them away for smelling like human, and I'd hate to be responsible for an abandoned bunny.
We ended the night with Jimmy Johns and Skinny Cow Ice Cream (if you haven't tried it.... TRY IT). And when we finally got back to the house, Josh introduced me to the boys new pet, Fred the spider. Haha!! Josh catches small bugs and throws them into Fred's web... it's a little bit sick, but REALLY funny to watch. Jonathan claims that it has kept the bug count down and that it's easier and cheaper than a dog... I think they need a new hobby!! haha

Wednesday was INCREDIBLE! What a wonderful day for Earth Day! Jordan and I had the day off together and we slept IN!! oh, what a glorious feeling, to sleep past 7 am.... Then we made breakfast (Jordan makes my favorite eggs for me on my days off) and we were off. Since it was Earth Day I was determined to spend the day outside soaking up the beautiful area that we live in. We walked from our apartment, across the street to Tower Groves Park (one of St. Louis best kept secrets, and was once owned by the same man that created and dedicated the Missouri Botanical Gardens to St. Louis). We walked the tree lined path and smelled every different flower, talked to the ducks that always swim in the pond there and spotted four baby turtles. It was so nice that the park wasn't overrun with people. Since it was a weekday everyone was still at work or in school. We walked past a couple of statues and read all the inscriptions, and played on the exercise benches they have lining the trail in the park. ON our way out of the park we visited Emack and Bolio's. It was wonderfully refreshing. I got a delicious Passion Fruit smoothie and Jordan got a Gooey Butter cake ice cream sandwich and a Fitz's soda. Yumm Yumm..
Emack and Bolio's is locally owned and operated, and they only employ people from the Tower Groves area, which I think is wonderful and I'll continue my quest to support local businesses whenever I can. St. Louis, and it's surrounding areas have so much fun and flavor to offer as far as small businesses go, and I really hope that they are able to hang on through these tough times. They really are the heart and soul of the neighborhoods that surround them.
After we got back to our street we decided to take a self guided tour of the Compton Hills Water Tower, the gigantic Tower that sits across the street from our apartment and gives us a beautiful view. The grounds have a couple different historic artifacts, as well as a dog park, a playground and some tennis courts. We spent a little while swinging and watching the traffic zoom by on I-44.
It's funny how much you can enjoy something that simple... we don't get to have quiet moments like that often enough.

Thursday was another adventure, and another great day off. Another morning spent in bed and the day spent helping Jonathan paint his garage. I've painted for recreation, but I'd never painted a structure before, and even though I painted ALL OVER my hands, it was plenty of fun, and very successful. I didn't get a single drop of paint on the siding. :)
Josh cooked everyone bbq, and a few friends dropped by and we hung out in the back yard, on the front porch and finally, as the sun set, we all sunk into his brand new couches.

Friday and Saturday were back at work, which I honestly don't mind most days, especially when I work with Jackie and Kim. They are hilarious, and I appreciate them so much. They've basically adopted me, and Kim's two boys are gems. We laugh and talk and give each other hard times all day, which makes the time creep by a little bit quicker... not much, but at least we have fun. When they aren't around I crack into my new Harry Potter book (my first birthday present so far) and I'm enjoying it immensely! I know I'm a little late to be jumping on the bandwagon, but I'd honestly been skeptical until Krystan bought me the very first one, and I can't believe my own misjudgement!! LOVE it! And I'm eagerly anticipating the next 6.

Saturday night (last night), however, I got some bad news... My dad's grandma, "Big Gram's" passed away just hours before. She was wonderful little lady, who reached the very accomplished age of 92. She was 100% Italian, and full of heart. She and my dad have been very close his entire life. She helped raise him and he was definitely her favorite... He spent many many summers with her at her cottage in Cape Cod and spoke of her fondly, and often. Even though we've lived all over the world and back again, he always made time to take a trip up there to visit her whenever he could. She was the one person in his very large and estranged family that he was close to... She's been sick for quite a while, and earlier this month she suffered a heart attack and 2 strokes, the last of which left her bed-ridden, paralyzed on her left side, almost blind and put most of her major organs into shock, which eventually led to them almost completely shutting down. Even in her painful state she found little ways to communicate, and while she was in the hospital she started asking for "her Johnny"... she 's the only person in the world who could call him that.
He took a full week off work and went up to Boston, hoping to see her one more time, and let her know that he was there. Miraculously, the night that he got there her vitals got a little better and she stabilized, and made what was starting to look like a slow recovery (even though they knew from her scans that her brain was slowly bleeding). He spent the whole week right next to her bed, talking to her, getting her ice and blankets, talking about the Cape and all of their memories together... He came home on Easter Sunday, fulfilled that she had made it through the most recent stroke, but sad knowing that it would probably be the last time he saw the woman that meant so very much to him...

If you could, please keep my dad and the rest of his family in your prayers I'd really appreciate it. It's always so hard to lose someone close...

Today is his birthday, and I wish with all my heart that it could have been a better day for him. My dad has been through so much... and it breaks my heart to know how much grief he's holding onto. I hope he finds peace in the good memories... and in all of the love she had for him.

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Boston

There are very few pictures of me with my dad.

Out of all of them, this is my favorite.

My dad is from Boston,

and that's exactly where this picture was taken in March, 1989.

I wish that I was old enough to remember why he's smiling so big, what adventure we were on that day, or the way the ocean smelled.

He was my whole world, my entire childhood, and in many ways he still is.

He's turning 52 this month.

When I was little, and people used to ask why he was always gone, I'd tell them proudly that "he was saving world."

...my heart still believes it, in some small way.

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*

how do you remind someone of all the things they used to love?
how do you show them that those things really were worth everything?

...I don't really know what to do for you anymore...

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sweet coffee, sweet friends, sweet relief*

"Monday Monday..."

there's an old song that starts out that way, and the melody is running through my head right now...

This weekend was really good for my heart. Even though the work days were long, the company was good, and the time I spent after work was amazing. As soon as I got off work Saturday I hurried over to Cornerstone to meet Jill and Jordyn for a girls night. When I got there I saw cars in the parking lot, which didn't really surprise me, because there are always cars there... what DID surprise me, was that the car I parked in front of had two kids smoking inside of it! I'm used to kids smoking, and I used to people smoking, it was just really weird to me that there were kids sitting in a car smoking at 715 on a Saturday night in front of our church. But it didn't take long before everything started to make sense, I walked in to find super loud music with too much bass, kids who were tattoo-ed, pierced, wearing tight jeans with flat ironed hair and clothes that looked and smelled like they hadn't been washed... for about a week. It was a scene show! Haha! I found the girls sitting at a table together and we talked for a while before we decided where to go. We ended up at Cracker Barrel with a creepy waiter who couldn't decide who to flirt with, so he flirted with all of us-- very unsuccessfully. But the conversation was great, and it felt so good to be together again. Jordyn is really sweet and carefree and even though I haven't spent very much time with her, she's very dear to me. The two of them soothed my heart without even knowing it and I'm so grateful that I got to spend the whole night with them laughing and talking.

After dinner we spent some time in Target finding Jill some hip prego jeans. Jordyn picked out the winner, and we spent the rest of the time looking through all the new bags and jewelry they have for spring. We weren't done hanging out yet, so we decided to head over to Starbucks where we shared two huge coffees on a big comfy couch. I really hope that we get to spend more time together like that, because truthfully I didn't want it to end... I really am blessed with the very best people in my life. The more time I spend with them the more time I want to find for them to fit into my life. The stories and the experiences, the dreams and the talent, and God's love pouring out into all of our lives is so reassuring, and it gives me a renewed sense of hope and purpose... just over coffee.

Sunday night was very similar-- Filled with love and laughs and a lot of hugs. Even though things are hard financially right now, I know that coming home, and being a part of Cornerstone is where we belong. Since Jordan isn't working right now we have the opportunity to get more involved in groups, and this week we're going to start going to Ryan and Mary's for small group again, as often as we can, and we're both going to be starting Cornerstone University on Thursdays. I love everyone there so much... and if you were there on Sunday night, thank you for being there. Thank you for hugging me and Jordan-- for spending time with us, offering ideas, and help and prayers. You've turned around this bad situation and made us realize that good IS going to come out of it and you helped give Jordan a renewed sense of self... Thank you for that.

By the way, over the next two days, Jordan has two interviews. Both are good jobs, but one is geared towards helping people who are struggling financially, and Jordan is very excited about that interview. He really has a heart for helping people and I hope they see that in him during the interview. So please continue praying for him, and I'll let you know more as soon as I can.

I got to hold Jonah Sunday night too. A lot of people know that Jordan and I probably aren't going to have kids, and there are a lot of reasons for that decision... but what many people don't know is that before Sunday night, I'd only held 4 babies before in my life. Just 4... Jonah was the 5.
I've held my sister, a little girl named Grace, Jaxon, Leland, and Jonah... And it meant so much for me to be able to hold him. He was a perfect little warm ball of sweet smells and soft skin. Even though he was really tired and fighting sleep, he was still sweet and only fussed a few times. I loved all 10 minutes.

I've always been afraid to ask to hold babies, especially when they're as tiny as Jonah, or Jax the first time I got to hold him... I think I'm afraid I'm going to hurt them, or that they won't like me, or that their parents will say no. I don't know, either way I always avoid holding them and I just watch other people from a distance. I've held a couple of toddlers, but it's different. My joints are really weak so I can't hold anyone over 20 pounds for very long, so I usually just ask for hugs or high fives.

Hopefully when Annie, Elise and Jill have their new babies I'll be a little braver and ask to hold them too.

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bent*

It feels like forever since I written something of substance for my blog. I apologize, we still don't have Internet and my parents switched from cable to satellite (I might have spelled that wrong) so they're Internet has been down for the last week.

I can't promise that this will be that exciting, but fact-filled it WILL be.

I guess I'll start with last Friday. It was definitely Friday the 13 (I'm being completely sarcastic-- even though the day was long and awful, I'm not superstitious in the tiniest bit). I worked 13 hours that day and I wanted to run and hide from everyone that wanted anything to do with flowers or Valentines day... Yuck... Very nearly every person that came in (male and female) wanted a dozen red roses, and I wanted to shake them all and say "Could you please be a little more sincere and find a more heartfelt *personal* way to express your love, PLEASE?!?!" But, they left with they're ugly overpriced vases and bouquets in tow and I continued to answer the phone and attend to the 500 people that came in that day. That night I closed at the optical shop, which was much less stressful, and much needed for my aching feet.

BUT-- when I got home Friday night I was in for the sweetest surprise. Jordan had turned all the lights off in the apartment and had only the dining room lit up with two tiny candles. He made me a delicious dinner and bought me the prettiest, most wonderful smelling white rose and he had it in the vase he used the day he proposed to me, and he had cooked my favorite meal and rented a movie that he knew would make me laugh. He'd also put together a playlist of songs and he had them playing in the background when I came in and while we were eating. It was perfect and a little bit cheesy, and 100% Jordan and it made me forget for a little while about how crazy everything was that day and would continue to be throughout the week.

I ended up working a total of 63 hours that week, between both jobs... something I hope I don't have to do again for a while.

Sunday was my first day off in 23 days. Crazy.
Jordan's mom, Caleb (his youngest brother), Sinclair (his cousin), and Cindy all came out to spend the day with us on Sunday. It was a really long day-- we ended up going to the Arch and we could actually see the water tower that is across the street from our apartment (which was AMAZING), and afterwards we had lunch at the Spaghetti Factory on The Landing. Then we ventured over to Illinois to hang out and wind down at Barnes & Noble. I had my first cup of Starbucks in 4 months (oh, how I had missed it...) After our coffee we headed to church and had a great night. Ian preached a really powerful and confrontational sermon that reached every person on multiple levels, and dinner was (as it always is) eventful and extremely funny. Our food took a tumble the first time around, and wet bottomed Jax made his way around the ENTIRE table to hug everyone goodbye, haha! So funny!!

Tuesday was really relaxing and fun. I spent the morning dying my hair and I spent the afternoon and evening with one of my favorite people in the whole world-- Jonathan. We went EVERYWHERE. Seriously. I haven't been to that many stores in one day since the shopping extravaganza that happened when I was 18 with my friends Chavala. We had a blast. He needed new work clothes and we needed matching outfits (we're going to a mutual friend's wedding together in March and he wanted to make sure my dress matched his tie! haha!) We also had lunch and went antiquing (one of our favorite past times). Jon ended up buying a beautiful piece for his living room. It was a 100 year old little free standing cabinet with granite top. It has all of it's original hardware and the deal was too good to pass up. It looks awesome in his new living room and he had been wanting it for a few months. I ended up finding and incredible little gem. It's a book called "St. Louis, The Portrait of a River City". I'm not sure how many people know, but I collect old books, and this is an awesome new addition to my collection. Not only is it jam packed with great history, it's also a first edition print AND it was signed by the author!!! Apparently it was a personal gift to a friend, and it was only $5!!!! It was Published in 1966 and is still in great condition!

Unfortunately, after my lovely three day weekend (Sunday- Tuesday) the week started going down hill... Jordan got fired on Thursday.
That's a hard sentence to type... because now that I typing it and actually telling people, it's becoming real.
It wasn't his fault. He did absolutely everything he could for that restaurant, and he's a hard worker and a very dedicated person... but they've fired 7 people just since January, and for whatever reason... they chose to fire him too.
I feel awful for him, because the restaurant is poorly managed, and he put up with a lot of crap that he shouldn't have had to, he also picked up shifts whenever he could so he could to help support us. We had only just gotten to the point of recovering from moving, and starting to save up again...

So now it's just me, until Jordan can find another job.
We'd really appreciate prayers. I know everyone is aware of the current economic situation, and everyone is struggling because jobs are scarce... but I'd really appreciate if you could pray for Jordan, it's the first time he's ever lost a job and I know he feels a heavy burden on his heart as a man and as a husband right now.

He's already spent the last two days applying for jobs directly and looking into different staffing agencies. I'm really proud of him for working so hard, even though I know in his heart he's questioning so many things right now... I love him so much and I know that God is with us every step of the way... I know we'll make it through this.

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rain drops are falling on my head...*

but today is a good day!

the palm of my right hand is currently 3 times the size of the palm of my left hand...
last night I broke my only pair of glasses
and I've got blisters on both of my feet

BUT

God is amazing, and he put me right where I needed to be.
I have two jobs that I love, with managers that I will do anything and everything for, and on top of being on a very good career path, I've finally had the oppertunity to explore a lifelong dream (even if it's silly and small).
The optical shop has been one of the best job experiences I've ever had. Aside from the fact that it can be really slow sometimes, the skills that I'm learning and improving on are gong to go with me for the rest of my life. Debby is the best. Seriously. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's been a great lifeline, and she is one of the most giving people I've met. I love her already and I hope by the end of this experience I can let her know how much I appreciate her and all of the heart that she pours into everything.
Mary and Melissa, my managers at the flower shop are also wonderful. Mary has breast cancer and is currently undergoing radiation treatment and STILL comes to work everyday. Melissa is only a little older than me and she has two kids, one of which has autism and has special needs that require very dedicated, involved parents. I respect them both so much for the things they deal with everyday, on top of running a flower shop.

It's a very humbling thing, to know that at 22 I have everything I always quietly wished for and never thought I'd have. I have an incredibley sweet, supportive husband (who bought me the prettiest gifts for valentines- I'll blog about that in a couple a days) a growing relationship with God, a good relationship with my dad, a blossoming relationship with my little sister, friends that God brought into my life at the very best and most important times, and I finally work at a flower shop...

Is it weird that those things are all I've ever wanted? Is it too simple?

I hope not.

I know that this is only the beginning and that things will shift and change and grow as time goes on, but I'm enjoying celebrating a simple life with the people I love and the people I spend my days with.

It's easier to smile when you wake up knowing that when you get to work coffee, flowers, and smiles are waiting for you.

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strawberry wine*

"funny how those memories they last--
like strawberry wine..."

1998- 2009*

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snowday*

Greetings from the frozen tundra!
Haha! Ok... I realize it's not that bad, but it IS pretty darn cold!
Cold enough for both Jordan and I to have the day off due to store/school closings.
And for us both to have acquired a strange case of the sniffles since we've been inside Bread Co.

I made some delicious Cinna-bon muffins for a late desert last night and they made for an equally delicious breakfast this morning. After tending to my very hungry and very cold kitten ( our apartment has hard wood floors and no matter what we do it drops to about 55 degrees every night) I bundled up and watched the news with my cup of juice and muffins. Jordan woke up this morning to my insanely funny boss calling:
"Only essential personnel are required to come on base today, and we are definately NOT essential!! So tell Danielle not to worry about coming in today."

Haha! I love Debby. She's in her 60's and she's my size, but she was born and raised in East St. Louis and she is tough as nails! She's also unbelievably funny. She isn't bad mouthed or anything, but she IS terribly blunt and sarcastic. She's already adopted me, invited Jordan and I out for her family's annual bbq, and EXPECTS our attendance, marked my birthday AND Jordan's on her personal calendar, measured me to knit me a scarf, and leaves just enough coffee and creamer in the fridge everyday for me to have a cup when I get to work. I've also made a habit of getting to work a half an hour early just to hang out with her and talk to her because I enjoy her company so much.

"That being said"... (as Debby always says) work has been going well. I had one bad day, last Saturday where I got so overwhelmed that I had a panic attack and cried in front of everyone in the store. But, Debby came to the rescue and helped me figure everything out. She told me later that working there is basically "baptism by fire" and that every person that has ever worked there (including her) has broken down crying at least once, which made me feel a million times better. Since then things have rolled along pretty nicely. The store is slow, which has been good for learning, and for catching up on some good reading, and getting to know all the people that work around me. I've actually gotten fairly good at all of the different repairs that we have to do, and the difficult stuff isn't too intimidating anymore.

Debby has also been extremely kind and she found a place for me to help out over Valentine's Day and make some extra money whenever I'm needed. So, starting next week I'll be helping out our friend Mary. She's the manager of the flower shop across the plaza from us, and she has breast cancer. She's starting her radiation therapy this week and I was so excited to be able to help her. One of my greatest passions in my teen and adult life has been supporting breast cancer awareness and prevention, helping to support clinics and survivors, as well as honor everyone who has been touched by this form of cancer. For the last nine years I've run and volunteered for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation here in St. Louis, and over the last week Mary and I have been able to share tons of stories from the different events that we've attended through the years. Mary is a really great, soft spoken lady and if you could spare a prayer, she'll be needing a lot of strength, hope, and inner peace to get through this week and the next few weeks. I'm really excited to get to know her and help out in the flower shop. It's been a far away dream of mine to work in and maybe one day own my own flower shop, and these next few weeks will give me the chance to figure out if it is something that I really want to pursue.

Even though the weather outside is crummy, I'm really happy to have the day off with Jordan. We don't have days off together very often, especially unplanned. AND Jordan got me the best present ever for a day like today: super cute rain boots!!! I didn't own anything but canvas shoes and ballet flats... and that is NOT conducive to having warm or dry feet in this icky weather. And, due to the fact that we still don't have any kind of health insurance... shoes with tread are going to be a good thing... everyone that knows me knows how accident prone I am. Haha!


I love them! and they will also go to good use in other seasons when it's raining and I don't want to ruin my good shoes! Woo!! (I'm really excited about this-- in case you can't tell. I haven't owned rain boots since I lived in England, and it's bringing back very fond memories)

Today made me realize something else that I hadn't really thought about for a while. While we don't own a couch, cable or internet, or a full set of matching "anythings", we are very blessed to have two working cars. While we were driving to Bread Co. today there were A LOT of people standing outside in the sleet, in snow up to their ankles, walking or waiting for a bus... and I wanted to buy hot coffee for all of them and give them a ride. It really stinks to have to endure weather like that day in and day out, and I'm thankful that we have the things we do. That we are both able to get to and from work everyday really is a blessing, and I feel awful that I take it for granted sometimes.

So, here we sit. Bread Company music blaring in our ears, with a dozen strangers all bundled up having a warm meal. It's one of the things that I love the most about living in this city. We have such a diverse population here and it's fun to experience. Whether it's the table next to you or the Ethiopian restaurant down the street, there is always something new to see, someone new to smile at and something new to learn.

Even if we never touch, or have a real conversation, even if I never see them again they were a part of my life today, and I got to smile at them. That's enough to warm up any cold winter night*

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rocking chair, optometry, india, and me...

What a whirlwind...

I have an unbelievably grumpy and pushy fourteen year old cat fighting me for space on this tiny computer chair. She's very lucky that I love her, and that her body and my butt are just small enough to both fit.

I suppose I should explain the title of my blog, beginning with "rocking chair". This Christmas was unique in a lot of ways- some were tiny, but others, I think I'll remember the rest of my life. This year my dad built me a rocking chair.
That probably sounds silly... but it means more than you could possibly know, and it's beautiful. My dad and I share a very special bond. My whole life I've loved him, respected him and admired him long before I ever knew the weight that those words carry. He is my hero, he's the smartest man I've ever known, he has spent his life protecting other people, he is the reason I stare out windows, the reason I love birds. I have his hands, his nose, his eyebrows, and his sweet soul... And for Christmas, all he wanted was for me to be home.

My dad has been gone for the great majority of my life. Because of that there are a lot of memories that we never got to make, a lot things that we never got to do... millions of hugs that I would give anything for...
But this Christmas I was given one of my dad's sweetest secrets.
For almost 7 years, when my dad would come home late at night, after a long day, or a long trip he would come into my room while I was sleeping and pick me up in all of my blankets and he would hold me and rock me... I never knew... Sometimes it was only for a few minutes, other times he would sit up all night just rocking me and listening to me breathe.
For seven years.
It was something he never told my mom... something he never did with my sister... something just for me and him. Just like my "Binky" and Yogie the Bear... just like ice skating, and the night I finally got to dance with him...
So he built me a rocking chair for Christmas, and he gave me a little piece of his secret heart.
It's a beautiful chair, and one of the most precious things I've ever been given.


The second part of the title is "optometry".
This week I started my new job. After two months of searching, and a million job applications, I finally found one that fits. I'm a lab technician at an optometry clinic and it's wonderful. It's very challenging, but I've found that it is extremely rewarding. I work for a great lady who has taken a very quick and keen interest into making this experience more than just another job for me. Over the next year or so she's going to be training and tutoring me to become a liscenced optometrist. We'll see how it goes! Today was slow, but it ws my first day on my own, so that was a great thing. I got to meet a lot of people and I learned how to do three new things today. I replaced a sweet old man's nose pads, styled a very sweet blonde haired lady and did repairs for four other people. The most challenging repair today was re-wiring and fitting a pair of half frame sunglasses. It took me a little while, but the lady was very patient and I was very proud of myself when I was finished.
So, if you have access to the Air Force base and ever have problems with your eyewear, or you just want to visit, I work in the little mall in the front of the BX and I'd love to see you!

Which brings me to "India."
Tariq is the gentleman whose kiosk is right next to my shop. He's from India, and he sells the most beautiful handmade novelty items! I met him a few days ago, but today was the first time I really got to talk to him and he's funny and very smart. He's a travelling salesman of sorts. His entire family lives in India and his parents, along with his sisters and other families in their neighborhood, hand make everything that he sells. I asked him why he picked the job and he told me "I didn't pick it. My family has always had this business, and it's very important to me that our business does well. Not for me, but for all of the people who depend on me. You see, India is one of the most beautiful places in the world, but many people have nothing. I do this so my family and the people we care about always have something."
I was stunned. How many people are that selfless with their lives? He's 37 and he travels every six months to another Air Force Base to promote his family's business. He was a doctor in India. He went through 8 years of college at a private university... and he walked away from it to take care of other people. We talked for a couple of hours tonight about so much, the United States, India, traditions, movies, his family, and all of our travels. After meeting him, and listening to his some of stories I've decided that one day I'd really love to go to India.

I mean, seriously, how many people do you know who grew up riding elephants?

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happy birthday jaxon!

Jaime, this is for you to read to your sweet little man!


Dear Jax,

Today is your second birthday, and in honor of this special occasion I thought I'd write a blog just for you. Even though you've only been in our lives for two years, you've made a colossal impact on so many peoples lives. With your bright smile and loud laugh you have completely captured all of our hearts, and you have been instrumental in teaching many people about adoption, trust, and most importantly-- God's love.
I hope you know that is no small feat. I especially want you to know how important you are you me, and how much you've changed my life. I worked with your mom two years ago, when her and your dad were waiting patiently for God to bring you into all our lives. Your mom and dad had been preparing and praying for a long time before that, but they only found out about you a little while before you were born. During that time, I got the chance to know your parents better, your mom in particular, and she was the very first person to talk to me in depth about adoption. I never really understood how hard it was, and how long the process can take... it takes so much trust and patience and hope. It gave me a whole new respect and admiration for families who adopt and provide foster care.
That is when I started praying. To be honest, I hadn't prayed for much outside of my own life and heart before then, but I was so in love with your parent's dream and so touched by how hard they worked and how much they endured that just the thought of you lit a fire in my heart. You were loved, immeasurably, before you ever took your first breath. I prayed for you, your birth mother, and your mom and dad everyday. I remember shortly after you were born, and the e-mail your mom sent out. I was so excited to finally see a picture of you, and I kept praying, because I knew that your parents still had so much to go through in order to bring you home. Your mom and dad are some of the bravest people I've known. They'll never admit it, but they truly are. They were prepared to do anything they had to for you, and they did.
The very first time I got to hold you was when you were a little over a month old-- maybe two, in the bank where your mom and I worked. You were a teeny little thing back then-- I don't think I'd held a baby that new before you. I could feel your little heart beating through all of your warm blankets, and you completely broke my heart in all of the best ways. You were the first miracle I'd ever experienced, the first dream I'd ever witnessed, come true.
I've loved getting to know you, and watching you grow into such a sweet, smart little boy. You really are a miracle. You beat immense odds time after time and came out smiling. I still pray for you, and your mom and dad everyday. I carry you in my wallet, and for the rest of my life I'll carry the lessons that God taught me through you, in my heart.

Happy birthday, Jax. I love you.

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I wake every morning

to the sound of jack hammers, breaking glass, drills, and debris of every kind falling into a giant metal bin two stories down and about 15 feet away from our bedroom window.
they're renovating the building next door to us and slowly but surely turning it into a "condo".
We were warned about the construction before we moved in, but as with most situations we completely underestimated the length and severity of time and volume that it takes to actually undertake such an operation.

However, they did finally re-open our parking lot. After taking three weeks longer than they anticipated, we no longer have giant cracks or potholes in our driveway and parking lot which is wonderful because I'm not a fan of parallel parking on a pretty busy street.

Things are always changing. Our building, the highways, the people in our lives...
In one short month I went to the funeral of a high school friend, laughed so hard I cried, and cried until I laughed, celebrated our one year wedding anniversary, spent time with people that I haven't seen in nearly 5 years, spent hours with the best of friends, congratulated dear friends on their growing family, celebrated christmas, congratulated friends on getting engaged, and have been praying for the safety of a friend who was deployed and his family who I love.

2008 ended in a frenzy, and it's been a little hard to keep my head above water through everything. Honestly, it's been really hard. Especially since the two people that know me the best can't always be around...

But, the very best things come out of change, and the blessings just keep coming. There will be a lot to celebrate this year, and I'm so happy to be home and to be a part of everything.

Tomorrow is Sunday, and it is by far one of my favorite days... I hope we finally get to have our girls night, and that everyone is feeling better.

Here's to a New Year, and all the hope it promises.

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